24/08/2011

This is probably going to be a really tough post for me to write, i will probably have to cut it short as I'm likely to get pretty emotional. Exactly a year ago today, i woke up to my sister knocking at my bedroom door, i opened it to find her crying. She just said that she didn't know how to tell me something. The worst that i thought could have happened was maybe something bad happened to one of the cats. I did not expect her to tell me that a couple of hours before, my mum had been run over by a car and died. We went downstairs and there was a policeman and woman in my living room. They then proceeded to tell us what happened. They called my dad and asked him to come home from work. When he arrived they broke the news to him. Seeing your dad cry is a horrible thing. After a lot of talking and tea we went to my nans house to tell her, which was probably the hardest part, my nan has lost 3 of her 4 children. I don't know how she carries on. The whole day was a blur. My sisters boyfriend, who was then living and working in France, got on the first flight home. I don't think my sister would have managed without him. The support of our friends and family was unbelievable. The turn out to her funeral was incredible, i had no idea my mum was loved and known by so many people. There was an article about her in the local paper and we received so many cards and flowers. My mum was so much fun, she was the life and soul of every party we had. Her wake was amazing, she would have loved it. Everyone she loved, together. Not standing around in black, moping. Everyone wore yellow and we drank and danced and remembered the good times. 

I have realised how much my mother did for me. Since then, i have changed. I have grown up and stopped being so lazy, I'll never let myself take someone for granted like that again. I had never lost someone close to me before. Its crazy how your life can be turned upside down in an instant. Life is very different now. I have accepted what happened, but I'll never stop missing her. I'm going to leave it at that. I love you mum, i'll see you again one day.